Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize