Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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