Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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