The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
