I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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