no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
