He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
