I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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