New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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