Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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