Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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