You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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