Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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