Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
