I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
