After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
