There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
