just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
