My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
