how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
