I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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