I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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