Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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