You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
