There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize