Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
soo... how was my night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
