you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
