Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
