I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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