I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
