I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
