So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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