If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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