so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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