You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
