You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
