I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
