Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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