You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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