he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
