I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
