This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize