I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
