Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I deserve this hangover.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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