You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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