kristin has been a bad kristin
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
