i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
