there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
