I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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