if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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