I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hippo gnu deer
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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