I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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