i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
