I hate all girls vehemently.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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