i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want her autograph on my taint
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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