I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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