Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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