1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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