the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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