I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
