I looked at my own cervix.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
