Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
